if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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