If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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