WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i barfeds in our rink
tonight lets celebrate not being married
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize