The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
