Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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