Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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