oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
