Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
