Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
