he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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