I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We are all done wearing pants today
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
