I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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