Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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