after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
