wanna go halves on a baby?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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