Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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