I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
