Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
