toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
