WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
