i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
