yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
