i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I had to cum in my sink.
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