I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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