How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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