ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize