Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
