apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
