i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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