Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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