Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize