So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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