I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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