So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
