I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
