when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
