i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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