Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
