by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Randomize
