So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize