After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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