Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
