oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize