for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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