i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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