dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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