well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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