I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
