We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
