He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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