Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
