i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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