i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
