you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
