literally had 100 drinks last night.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Pants are for mortals
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize