He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
