Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
