I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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