Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
