I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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