T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
