Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
