A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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