This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
