the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
