cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
