I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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