Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
