i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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